


Perfect the way you are

by w3lcom3strong3stav3ng3r



Series: The Advantages of Trans John [1]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Fluff, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, M/M, Massage, Mental Breakdown, Trans John, Trans Male Character, im a sucker for fluff tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21837196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w3lcom3strong3stav3ng3r/pseuds/w3lcom3strong3stav3ng3r
Summary: John needs some reassurance when it comes to his body image
Relationships: John Deacon/Roger Taylor
Series: The Advantages of Trans John [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1573396
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	Perfect the way you are

**Author's Note:**

> Er so like this fic for this pairing so go easy on me with the criticism

John sighed as he stared at himself in the mirror. He looked at the bandages around his chest and took a breath in, well as much as he could anyway. To say he was disappointed was an understatement, well annoyed more or less but it was all the same.

His shoulders not broad enough, his jawline to soft, his hips not square enough and the list went on and on, drawing another short sharp breath he pressed his fingers into his cheeks, thoughts running wild as he did

_Not good enough_

_To feminine_

_Never gonna be a man_

_Voice to high pitched_

_Figure not manly enough_

Bringing a hand to his face he sighed again, why couldn't he just be like other boys, with their strong and chiselled jaws and broad shoulders and and- before he knew it he was hyperventilating.

He was having another breakdown, the third one this week and it was only Tuesday, god he hated this so much and at times it filled him with an unnerving rage and overwhelming urge to just quit.

Sinking to knees he put a hand on his bandaged chest trying and failing to steady his heaving breaths, although it had just made everything slightly worse.

"In for four and out for five" he reminded himself and he furiously wiped tears from his eyes, he looked at himself and broke down some more.

Fucking pathetic, this was so stupid, real men dont cry over not being happy with the way they look, real men would laugh to i themself and go out for the night and eventually forget about the whole ordeal.

He been wrapped up in trying to calm his breathing and rubbing the tears from his eyes that he hadn't noticed the door open and Roger walk in holding some books

"So I was doing some research about you told me- hey what's wrong why are you crying" Roger tossed the books onto the bed and knelt down beside John rubbing slow circles on his back

"Fuck, shit, I didnt hear you walk in" John said having and coughing as he patted his chest.

"Wanna tell me what's going on Deaky" Roger said slowly as he willed John to calm down. He had only left to borrow some books from when the library to gain as much knowledge on transgender people as possible

"It's so stupid, you probably wouldn't understand anyway" John said calming down and leaning into Roger's touch, resting his head and the blondes shoulder.

The last thing John wanted to do was bother Roger with his problems when the latter clearly had his own things going on, they all did, it's one of the main reasons he had been so hesitant to come out.

"You could help me understand, I'm here to help Deaks, come on" Roger said after taking note of John's silence.

Looking at Roger as if he'd grown two heads, he took to a deep breath and pursed his lips together.

"I, uh, I don't like the way my body looks, as in when I see it in the mirror it makes me uncomfortable" John said awkwardly, not that you could blame him though

Roger's head recoiled in disbelief as he heard the words spill out of John's mouth, "Why does it make you uncomfortable" he asked calmly

"Because it's not what I see in my head, it's like my body image and mental image don't line up and its fucking with everything" John said looking like he was gonna begin crying again

This is frustrating and he hated it, often he thinks that if he were born biologically male he wouldn't have this problem, wouldn't have to deal with monthly cramps and being told he looked too feminine for a man.

"You're right, I don't really get it but I'm willing to help you with it if that's what you need right now" Roger said turning his head to look at John

"You're a very handsome man and no matter what's going on in that handsome little head of yours, I'm always here to help, heck Brian and Freddie might not know but I'm sure if you sugarcoat it in some way they'll be glad to give you some advice" He says as he kisses John atop his head

The idea of telling Brian and or Freddie that he was transgender was nerve wracking, hell during the process of trying to tell Roger he ended up having a panic attack and almost passed in front of the shorter male but with time and patience he'd tell them

"Now how about I run you a bath and massage the knots out of your back after it" Roger said standing up

"That sounds really nice Rog, thank you for everything, honestly don't know where I'd be without you" John says smiling as he goes to stand back up

"You'd probably lose your head or something" Roger says and with that walks out of the room to go and run the bath

John sighed contently as he flops down onto the bed, maybe having told Roger wasn't such a bad idea, it had brought them closer than ever and he didn't feel so alone all the time.

*

"That was absolutely delightful, Rog" John said as he pulled on an oversized sweater not wanting to rebandage his chest for the night

"Well yeah, that was the point love" Roger said as he moved John to lie on his stomach

He grabbed some E45 cream and slowly pulled John's sweater up and applied the cream to the red and itchy areas on his back.

"You know you should only be wearing those bandages for about 6 to 8 hours right" Roger said as he kneaded his thumb into a tight knot in John's shoulder.

"Yeah I know, but what if we go out for drinks or Freddie wants a late night game of scrabble" John said as he groaned into the relief, "I can't take my bandages off and just hunch over the table while we play scrabble, the others would take notice Rog"

Roger nodded in agreement despite the fact that John couldn't see him and pressed his palm into the base of John's spine. "Why do you have so many knots in your back love" he said as he palmed through another one

"Because I'm constantly on edge about being caught for being trans, yknow" John said tiredly

If he had known Roger was so good at massages he would have come to and asked for one sooner, good god.

"I think that's me about done" Roger said as he moved to cuddle up behind John and placing his head on the younger man's shoulder

"Once again Rog, thanks for everything" John says kissing Roger's cheek before smuggling up to him and eventually heading off to sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Deadass wish I was way more awake for this but I'm going through alot and projecting my feeling but like come yell at me on tumblr @urdeakyisexposed :)


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